How to come into CONTACT
A core need of every human being is connection.
Connection is the joining of previously not connected or disconnected parts that come into contact with each other with connectedness being the felt state of being in contact with those parts, that can be someone or something within and without.
We strive for connectedness and suffer if we feel disconnected. No human is programmed to be isolated. Retracting from contact is a compensation, an unconsciously well built survival strategy when being alone was safer or less painful then feeling the pain of disconnection or rejection. In our deep essence we want that need to be met no matter how distorted that might look like. So how can we get into contact with each other?
Here is the trick: The very fact that we are trying to get into contact with one another, the action in trying itself is half of the battle won. It will even be enough, especially in the beginning of new contacts. It is the felt intention of the other, the interest of the other to connect with me, the validation and appreciation of my being by feeling an openness and a willingness to interact, interlink, interconnect with me ...
The mode of how to actually be in contact can then be figured out in the process. It will be different for every constellation, with every new dyad or group setting we have. It can be through words, through touch, through energy, through just being in a room in silence and not speaking, through having one part being active and the other part being allowed to be passive, through meeting at the same level of action or mastery, through being an expert or teacher opposite a student ... it changes with every situation.
The always changing mode can be a challenge and it can be a gift. If we develop the overall competency to become aware of the process of connecting with each other by valuing the attempt and the openness to it, the pressure of achieving it vanishes all by itself. It even emerges into a possible win-win situation: The contact can either be achieved with the corresponding mode amongst each other (that is to be known, found out or magically just flows) or by becoming aware of the shared intention of wanting to get into contact in the first place ... and resting together in that layer before. That joint resting is already a mutual contact and gives space for our bodies, minds, nervous systems to relax, maybe let upcoming emotions go through and then be free for a new and unique connectedness to arise naturally.
It is a wonderful slowing down, a reorienting away from the goal of the contact towards the process of coming into contact that does not need more than the honest intention of trying and openness to be present with another person or a part within myself. It will be felt and resonate.
